When Wanting to Change Isn’t Enough

A Shared Struggle, A Shared Grace

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
—Romans 7:15

She’s stuck in a cycle she hates.
He’s stuck trying to fix what he can’t control.
She aches to change but doesn’t know how.
He aches to help but ends up hurting.
They both want something better.
They both keep missing the mark.

And neither one is alone.

In Romans 7, Paul doesn’t sound like a preacher.
He sounds like us. Like someone frustrated with himself.
Someone who knows what’s good, longs for it—and still slips back into the very things he swore he was done with.

This is not a passage of shame.
It’s a mirror.
It reflects what we don’t say out loud:

“I want to be better… but I keep falling short.”

For her, it might be the old habits she can’t shake.
The way she reaches for relief, knowing it won’t last.
The guilt afterward. The exhaustion. The silence.

For him, it might be the need to fix.
To control. To say the right thing, or do something—anything—that will make her okay.
But the more he tries, the more distant she feels.

They’re both tangled in the same war:
The war between desire and weakness.
Between love and fear.
Between control and surrender.

But here’s the truth Romans 7 points to:
No one changes alone.
Not by effort. Not by logic. Not by trying harder.

We change when we begin to admit:

“I can’t do this without help.”

And the help doesn’t just come from a partner.
It comes from grace. From a God who sees the struggle—not as a failure—but as a cry for rescue.

“Who will rescue me…? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
—Romans 7:24–25

This is the beginning.
Of honesty. Of healing. Of walking forward—not in perfect steps, but in real ones.

They don’t need to fix each other.
They just need to stop pretending they’re not broken.
Because when they do… they’ll find that grace runs deepest in the cracks.